


Couldn't Believe

by Anonymous



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 11:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8101402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: She’s pretty sure she fell in love with Lauren once, but she can’t be positive anymore since they haven’t had a meaningful conversation in months. There’s only so many times that Camila can stand being shot down before she just stops trying all together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts and I needed to get rid of it, hence why it's super random. Sorry fam.

Camila Cabello can’t stand drugs. She’s always been that way. She doesn’t understand why people can’t just stick to having too many glasses of wine and call it a night. Honestly, she won’t even complain if you smoke a joint every so often either. It’s when the hard drugs come out that she usually decides it’s time to go home.

 

Camila can’t stand drugs and that’s what makes the fact that she will still fuck Lauren Jauregui behind closed doors so ironic. Lauren’s always been a partier, even before she ever ended up in a successful girl group, and Camila knows that Lauren will only find her after she’s snorted a few lines, or popped a few pills. She knows that Lauren rarely comes to find her when she’s sober anymore, so she has to take what she can get.

 

She’s pretty sure she fell in love with Lauren once, but she can’t be positive anymore since they haven’t had a meaningful conversation in months.

 

There’s only so many times that Camila can stand being shot down before she just stops trying all together.

 

That’s why she lets it continue though. She’s in love. That’s what she tells herself.

 

It’s not necessarily a lie, but she wishes it was.

 __  
_..._  


Camila’s not the only one, either. Lauren has boys and Lauren has girls and Lauren never hides any of them. Camila’s the only one who has to sneak out in the morning. Camila’s the only one who has to pretend that nothing ever happened the next day.

 

“My number one rule is no repeats,” Lauren says to Normani one day and Camila happens to overhear them giggling about it.

 

She wonders where exactly she fits with the ‘no repeats’ rule.

 

...

Sometimes when Lauren goes out on the balcony to smoke, after they’ve both finished, Camila will make herself a cup of coffee, gulping it down, just in hopes that it will keep her awake for a few more minutes. She knows that once daylight hits, Lauren will be gone as if nothing ever happened. Camila decided long ago that she can deal with being sleep deprived when morning comes if it means she gets a few more moments with Lauren.

 

Tonight, Lauren comes in from the balcony and it appears that she’s already come down from whatever she took earlier in the night. She doesn’t leave though, instead she gets back into bed and holds Camila tight.

 

Tonight was a good night, Camila thinks.

 

But the older girl is still gone in the morning.

_  
..._

Camila goes back to LA to have her twenty-first birthday party in a club, since she thinks it seems like the appropriate way to celebrate, and by the time she finishes the first real drink she’s ever had in her life, Lauren is already absolutely wasted.

 

It’s nothing new for the girls though, because as long as she kept it together for their performances or business arrangements, no one said anything because they all know, too well, that she wont listen to them anyways.

 

Camila’s just glad that all of the girls showed up for her birthday this year, because it reassures her that they all still love each other. There’s just a lot going on with each of them these days. It’s hard now. Harder than it was.

 

Because currently, Fifth Harmony is on a _break_ , meaning that most of the girls are pursuing side projects, or solo endeavors, or just enjoying a minute to breathe again. After they won an American Music Award last year, they went on another tour and that’s when the downward spiral seemed to start. After spending five years with a group of girls at all times, things were bound to start getting tense.

 

Dinah and Normani wouldn’t speak for days. Ally got engaged and would act like she was _too mature_ to be around the rest of them. Arguments over who would sing which part of a song became frequent. An unspoken tension arose between Lauren and Camila.

 

And then Camila had dated a girl. That had been a more pivotal moment of the downward spiral. Morgan had been a techie on tour with them and the attraction was instant. Camila wasn’t sixteen and scared anymore, she knew that she liked people and it didn’t matter to her if they were a boy or a girl, so she just went for it this time.

 

The other girls didn’t seem to care that she was into women, but they cared about how it would affect their image, and so did their management, so all of them insisted that she either end the relationship or keep it completely hidden. As a result, the relationship lasted a mere two months post-tour, when Morgan decided being someone’s dirty little secret wasn’t as thrilling as it looked in the movies.

 

Now that Camila thinks about it, the whole Morgan thing happened around the same time that Lauren started to get harder to control, the same time Lauren started swapping Cristal for cocaine. She tries not to wonder if the fact that she had stopped hooking up with Lauren during her Morgan phase had been the real reason for Lauren’s drug use.

 

She tells herself to stop being so hopeful. Sober Lauren had never tried to commit to Camila. Drugged up Lauren wouldn’t either.

 

...

 

Camila’s in the bathroom of the club, washing her hands, when the door to another stall swings open and reveals Lauren, who is rubbing remnants of a white substance from her nose, laughing to herself.

 

“Well hello, birthday girl.”

 

Camila sighs, looking at Lauren through the mirror, “Did you really have to get high at my party?”

 

“I was just getting ready to give you your present,” the other girl husks, approaching Camila from behind and wrapping her arms around her waist.

 

Camila scoffs, shrugging the other girl off of her as she heads towards the door, “No thanks.”

 

“What?” Lauren laughs, “Since when do you say no to me?”

 

Camila wants to say a lot of things in response. She wants to ask Lauren why she has to hide behind different substances all the time, she wants to tell her how much she hates high Lauren and misses sober Lauren, but instead Camila only mumbles, “I guess there’s a first time for everything.”

 

She sees the older girl’s eyes narrow in anger before Camila turns and walks out the door.

 

She makes her way over to the bar and barely gets another drink order in before some executive from some record label comes over, with Shawn Mendes in tow.

 

Camila hasn’t seen the guy in probably over a year, but the media always liked to pair them up, so it seemed as if someone was always pushing them together whenever they ended up in the same room. Naturally, tonight was no different.

 

“Hey Camila, sorry to crash your party,” Shawn starts, “but my manager got invited and insisted I come along.”

 

She can see Lauren watching them from over the boy’s shoulder so she laughs before gesturing to the sweaty bodies crowded among the place, “It’s okay, it’s not exactly an intimate gathering.”

 

Just then, another suit from Epic appears next to them almost instantly, relieving Camila from her awkward small talk duty, “Come with me, they want a picture of Fifth Harmony.”

 

She’s quickly rushed to another corner of the club, where Normani, Dinah and Ally are waiting. The four pose for a few quick photos before Normani speaks up, “Where’s Lauren?”

 

“Uh, they’re looking for her,” someone shouts from behind the row of cameras. A few minutes later and the girls hear someone else speak, “Valet said she left, just push the pictures of the four of them.”

 

Normani rolls her eyes, addressing the other girls, “I’m so sick of that girl’s shit. If we ever try to make a comeback, we should get used to Fourth Harmony.”

 

“That’s a pretty big _if_ ,” Dinah snorts.

 

 _So much for having a fun birthday_ , Camila thinks.

 

...

Camila flies back home to Miami the next day because it makes her feel like nothing has changed. Miami makes her feel like she’s fifteen again and everything is normal. She doesn’t see any of the girls, or get dragged out in Hollywood. She has a cute one-bedroom condo near the water and she’s not too far from her parent’s house. She gets to spend time with her family and she can ignore everything that stresses her out.

 

She can ignore Lauren.

 

Lauren is a big reason why Camila made Miami her primary residence again once the group went on their _hiatus._

Lauren doesn’t go back to Miami anymore. Lauren stays in LA.

 

...

 

Camila’s sifting through the presents she got at her party, including a guitar from Shawn and the new Chanel bag she had been wanting from Dinah. There are many accessories from people she barely knows, or people she’s worked with, but the last thing that catches her eye is a small black box, topped with a black bow. The tag on it simply reads _From: Lauren_.

 

Camila places the unopened box on top of her refrigerator, where there’s already a collection of other random knick-knacks she’s accumulated over the past year. She doesn’t even wonder what’s inside. She doesn’t have the energy for that anymore.

...

 

It’s three in the morning and her phone is buzzing. It won’t stop.

 

She doesn’t even bother looking at the name on the screen before picking up, “Lauren, leave me alone.”

 

There’s a pause before a random female speaks, “Uh, is this Camila? Sorry to bother you, but you’re in Miami too, right?”

 

Now Camila is awake.

 

“Yes... who is this?”

 

The unknown voice speaks again, “Keana, I’m friends with Lauren. Look, do you think you can come pick her up? She’s here, like, passed out and I have a flight to catch in a couple of hours. I can’t miss it. No one else will answer their phone.”

 

“She’s in Miami too? Can’t you call her parents or something?” Camila bites back.

 

She hears a laugh from the girl on the other end of the line, “Is that supposed to be a joke? You know she hasn’t talked to them in months.”

 

And actually, no, Camila didn’t know, but it’s what makes her get out of bed and start getting dressed.

 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Text me the address.”

 

...

 

It’s four in the morning when Camila pulls up to a mansion on the beach, and sees a girl, who must be Keana, loading luggage into the black Escalade in the driveway.

 

Keana hops in the back of the SUV, rolling her window down to yell at the younger girl, “Thank god you’re here. She’s on the front steps. Ciao!” before the car speeds away, leaving Camila standing in front of the massive house alone.

 

She makes her way towards the front of the house and finds Lauren slumped over against one of the marble pillars that line each side of the doorway. The older girl looks up at her with fuzzy eyes but doesn’t say anything.

 

...

 

It’s a slow process, a struggle, but eventually Camila manages to drag Lauren to her car, and she drives for a while before the older girl finally speaks up.

 

“Where are you taking me,” she slurs.

 

Camila sighs, “I’m taking you to your parents house.”

 

“No. I’m not talking to them.”

 

“Since when?”

 

“I don’t want to see them,” Lauren mumbles, ignoring her question, “Just take me to a hotel.”

 

“I’m not dropping you off alone at some random hotel like this.”

 

“Fine, then just take me back to your house. I just need to sleep it off.”

 

Camila sighs, knowing it’s pointless to argue with Lauren when she is in this state. She’s tried too many times before.

 

Her house is closer anyways, so that’s where she goes.

 

...

 

Camila wakes up on her couch the next morning when she hears someone rustling around in her kitchen. She groans as she sits up, knowing already that her back is going to be sore, but also knowing that the couch was a better option than getting in bed next to Lauren last night.

 

By the time Camila pulls herself into a standing position, rounds the corner and enters her kitchen, Lauren already has coffee poured into a to-go mug, leaving what appears to be another cup or two in the pot.

 

“I made coffee,” the older girl mumbles, “But my uber is here. I’ll see you later.”

 

Lauren brushes past her and it only takes the younger girl a few seconds before she decides to speak up.

 

“Wait,” Camila squeaks out, “We need to talk about last night.”

 

“What about it?” Lauren huffs, turning around momentarily.

 

“Stop deflecting. Why do you hang out with people who don’t even care if you get home safely?”

 

Silence.

 

“Why aren’t you talking to your parents?” Camila tries again.

 

Silence.

 

Camila sighs, “I care about you, Lauren, why do you insist on shutting me out? Why do you insist on treating me like shit?”

 

The older girl’s eyes go wide, and Camila can see her nose flare.

 

“You don’t care about me,” Lauren growls, before she trains her gaze on something behind Camila. Camila follows her gaze to the small black box sitting on top of her refrigerator.

 

“You haven’t even opened it,” Lauren laughs, “You must really not give a shit anymore. Or maybe you just never did in the first place.”

 

The younger girl doesn’t have a chance to reply before Lauren is out the front door, slamming it behind her.

 

Once again, Lauren is out of her grasp.

 

...

 

Camila only stays strong for about two hours before she finds herself grabbing the little black box off of her refrigerator and opening it.

 

Inside is a small, plain, silver bracelet, and she notices an engraving on the back upon further inspection.

 

_Something in us will always know._

It breaks her heart in the most unexpected way.

 

...

 

Camila tries to call Lauren for two days straight, and Lauren ignores her every single time. Camila waits another day after that before she makes the rash decision to call Lauren’s sister to figure out where she is.

 

“ _Lauren hasn’t spoken to me or Chris since the blowout with our parents. We told her we don’t agree with them but she cut us all out. I didn’t even know she had been back to Miami_ ,” Taylor’s voice echoes from the phone.

 

“Seriously?” Camila groans, “What did they fight about?”

 

“ _They don’t approve of her...lifestyle. That’s what they said.”_

“She’s mad because they don’t approve of her doing drugs all the time?”

 

“ _What? No...that’s not what they meant. They don’t approve of you. And her. You two. But shouldn’t you know all of this? Didn’t Lauren tell you about it?”_

Camila furrows her brow, “No. I have no idea what you’re talking about. I haven’t had a meaningful conversation with Lauren in a long time.”

 

“ _But I thought...”_ Taylor’s voice fades out momentarily before continuing, “ _Look, I don’t know what happened with you and my sister, but my parents don’t approve of her liking women. They said that to her face and I’ve never seen Lauren look so empty. It was really bad. We haven’t heard from her since. So if you don’t know where she is, I don’t know anyone who would.”_

 

Camila hangs up the phone feeling empty as well.

 

...

 

Two days later she gets a text from Taylor that gives her hope again.

 

_Texted her old friend Lucy as a last resort. Said Laur is back at her LA house. Good luck._

Camila books her flight instantly.

 

...

 

Nothing with Lauren has ever gone the way Camila wanted it to.

 

So, when Camila shows up at her house in LA, she shouldn’t be surprised when Lucy opens front door wearing nothing but a sheet from Lauren’s bed.

 

She shouldn’t be surprised but she sort of is.

 

Even though she’s got last nights makeup smeared all over her face, Lucy looks like a super model and Camila suddenly feels like the homely cousin from Iowa.

 

She is so out of her league. The bracelet Lauren gave her is on her wrist, and it’s starting to burn.

 

“Hey,” Lucy says, too friendly to seem threatened by the younger girl, “I didn’t know you were coming over. What’s up?”

 

Camila tries to say something, anything, but nothing comes out of her mouth. She feels the lump in her throat start to form. She feels the tears coming, out of sadness or anger, she can’t quite tell.

 

Lucy frowns at the silence, “Are you okay?”

 

“Babe, who’s at the...” Lauren rounds the corner and stops speaking the second her eyes meet the younger girl’s. Camila sees her visibly pale, eye’s darting between the two women in front of her.

 

“Uh, can you give us a sec?” Lauren mumbles to Lucy, who raises her eyebrows but says nothing before retreating back into the house.

 

“I can explain,” Lauren tries, but Camila already has the bracelet off her wrist and is flinging it at the older girl.

 

“Save it Lauren! It’s always the same with you. You only want me when it’s convenient for you. You don’t actually care about me.”

 

“That’s not true.”

 

The younger girl scoffs, “How many years have we been doing this? How many times have you fucked me, just to ignore me as soon as you were sober again? I _loved_ you, Lauren, and you gave me _nothing_ in return.”

 

The older girl’s jaw practically drops, “You loved me? Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

 

Camila lets out a horrible laugh, “When was I supposed to tell you? The first time we ever hooked up, you were gone before I could even catch my breath. I never had a chance. _We_ never had a chance. You never gave me one.”

 

“I didn’t know,” Lauren mumbles miserably, close to tears herself, “When we first started, I thought you were just having fun. I thought you were straight, so I just played it off. But then you dated that girl...and I realized it must just be me that wasn’t enough, so I didn’t think...”

 

Camila laughs again, “That’s the problem, isn’t it? Just go back inside to your girlfriend. Goodbye, Lauren.”

 

As she walks away, she can’t tell if its relief flooding through her body or not.

 

...

 

Camila’s favorite coffee shop is only two blocks away from her condo. It has a huge outdoor patio that faces the ocean and a killer espresso to go with the killer view. The only problem is that anytime Camila sits there, someone she knows usually walks by and traps her in a twenty-minute conversation about something mundane.

 

Today is worse though because just when she thought she would never see Lauren Jauregui again in her entire life, considering their encounter two months ago, there she is, walking by the stupid coffee shop.

 

Ducking behind her book isn’t stealthy enough either, considering the black haired girl approaches her nervously, almost like she was expecting to find her there.

 

“Hi. Can I sit down?”

 

Camila glares, “It’s a free country.”

 

Lauren takes a seat and immediately places a small green chip on the table in front of them, while Camila looks up at her expectedly.

 

“Um, it means I’m sixty days sober.”

 

The younger girl immediately softens, “Really? That’s great, I didn’t even know you were trying.”

 

“Yeah, I thought some lifestyle changes would be for the best.”

 

Camila shoots her a small smile, “I’m happy for you. Seriously. Um, what brings you to Miami though?”

 

“Oh, I was spending some time with Taylor and Chris. It’s been awhile. I saw my parents for a minute too, but, it wasn’t great.”

 

Camila sends her a sympathetic look, “I’m sorry. I’m glad you saw your siblings though.”

 

Lauren nods for a moment, before looking out at the water, playing with her hands. Camila remembers that it’s something that she does when she’s nervous.

 

They sit in awkward silence for several minutes before the older girl speaks again, “Look, when you saw Lucy that day, that wasn’t...”

 

“Stop,” Camila dismisses her lightly with a wave, “It doesn’t matter anymore. You don’t have to explain anything. It’s over.”

 

Lauren frowns, opening her mouth to speak several times before words actually come out, “Camila, I love you. I always have. I told my parents that once, you know? They told me I was fucked up, so that didn’t help. I guess they were half right, though. I was scared and reckless and selfish with you, and I know I can’t take any of that back. The only thing I could possibly do is try to make it up to you for the rest of my life, but only if you want to let me try,” the older girl takes a deep breath, “So, will you let me try?”

 

There’s a long pause.

 

Camila starts thinking about how long she’s wanted to hear something like this from the girl in front of her. How many years of torture she went through, waiting, hoping for this. She thinks about all the happy endings to her favorite cheesy, romantic movies. She thinks about what she wants her wedding to look like. She thinks about the cute girl who hit on her yesterday and the cute guy she works with. She tries to imagine a life with both of them. She tries to imagine growing old with someone. She tries to imagine growing old with Lauren.

 

Camila thinks she knows what she wants to say.

 

She thinks it sounds a lot like “Yes.”

 

 


End file.
